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Podcast Transcript
Every day, whether or not you even realize it, you are subject to a host of unwritten rules. These are rules that are not written down and are not part of any formal law, but they are fundamental to the functioning of any society.
These unwritten and often unspoken rules differ from place to place and have changed over time, and there are even different rules for different groups that you might be a part of.
These unwritten rules of behavior have been with us ever since the dawn of humanity.
Learn more about the Mos Maiorum and the unwritten rules of society on this episode of Everything Everywhere Daily.
No matter where you live, you are probably subject to a host of written laws. Most jurisdictions have laws at various levels of government that cover almost everything imaginable, the vast majority of which have nothing to do with you on a daily basis.
However, the things you do have to deal with every day are actually rules that are not written down and are so common that we usually don’t even think about it.
These unwritten rules can be known by many names, including traditions, customs, manners, and etiquette. While they might not have the force of law, they can often be just as powerful.
I want to start this discussion by going back to ancient Rome. It isn’t because Rome invented unwritten rules; they have actually existed since the beginning of humanity. It’s because they documented many of the social rules in Rome, and they had a robust legal system that existed alongside it.
The Roman system of unwritten rules was known as the Mos Maiorum, which translates to “ancient customs” or “the way of the ancients.”
These were the customs and traditions which governed daily life and interactions during the Roman Republic and Roman Empire.
The Mos Maiorum emphasized the importance of adhering to ancestral customs and traditions. Romans believed that their society’s success was directly linked to following the practices of their forefathers, who were seen as wise and virtuous. This continuity of tradition was seen as a stabilizing force in Roman society.
The Mos Maiorum required a deep respect for authority, particularly that of the family and the state. This included reverence for the paterfamilias (the male head of the family), who had almost absolute power over his household, and for the state’s magistrates and senators, who were seen as the custodians of Rome’s traditions and laws.
Another core value was Pietas. It referred to the duty to the gods, the state, and one’s family. This duty involved religious observance, participation in public rituals, and fulfilling one’s obligations to family and society. A pious person was expected to uphold the Mos Maiorum in every aspect of life.
The dual concepts of auctoritas and dignitas are something I’ve covered in several previous episodes. These were intangible virtues that every Roman strived for and often killed and died for. Success in public life was often seen as the accumulation of these two virtues. While they were a driving force in Roman life, they were totally unwritten rules.
The Mos Maiorum extended to client/patron relations, funerary practices, religious observances, and a host of other things.
In the case of Rome, these unwritten rules could actually be pleaded in court. They called it Lex non scripta, or the law not written.
I could spend hours talking about this topic, but this isn’t a Roman history episode.
These unwritten rules existed in every culture and society throughout human history. In fact, these unwritten rules were the primary drivers in most cultures.
Many of the cultural norms in Ancient China were very similar to those that developed in Rome.
Filial piety was perhaps the most important unwritten rule in ancient Chinese culture. It emphasized respect, obedience, and care for one’s parents and ancestors.
Chinese society was hierarchical, with a strong emphasis on respecting those above you in the social order, whether in the family, workplace, or government.
For example, younger family members were expected to defer to older ones, students to teachers, and subjects to rulers. This respect for hierarchy was deeply ingrained and influenced all social interactions, ensuring stability and order within society.
The Roman ideas of dignitas were reflected in the Chinese concept of Face.
The Roman client/patron relationships were reflected in the Chinese system known as Guanxi.
In ancient China, as in modern times, guanxi played a crucial role in business, politics, and social life. People cultivated relationships that could help them advance in society or business, often involving a complex web of favors and obligations.
Literally every society had these unwritten and sometimes unspoken rules that everyone followed. You could say that the entire study of cultures involves the study of these rules.
The British stiff upper lip, Japanese Bushido, or even the Mafia’s code of silence are all examples of unwritten rules that determine behavior.
I mention these ancient examples to set up what I really want to talk about, the unwritten rules that we live under today.
I want to start with one of the most powerful unwritten and unspoken rules that we all experience, which has to do with standing in line, or, as some of you might call it, queuing.
Standing in line is something we have to do all the time. It might be at a store, or a restaurant, or even a line to go to the bathroom.
Whenever you stand in a line or queue up for something, there are implicit, unspoken rules that we all follow.
So why do we stand in lines? Lines are a way to avoid chaos and a scrum of people all trying to get ahead of each other to get something. It is a way to prevent the loudest or most aggressive people from gaining an advantage over everyone else.
No one probably ever told you how to stand in a line, why we do it, or the rules involved with queuing. Yet, we all know them intuitively.
One of the unspoken and unwritten rules about lines is that it is first come, first serve. A line is one of the most egalitarian things there is. It doesn’t matter who you are; no one gets priority in a line before someone else unless there is some exceptional circumstance.
This leads to the biggest rule of standing in line: no one can cut in front of someone else in a line.
If you think about it, you almost never see that happen. I’m sure I’ve seen it happen, but it has probably been years since I’ve seen it. Jumping in front of someone in a line will immediately earn the displeasure of everyone in the line and could result in arguments and possibly even a fight. The person who is serving the line might not serve the person who jumped ahead.
The reason why you almost never see people cutting in line in public places is because of the extreme social pressure against doing to.
Yet, there is technically no law against it. You couldn’t really call the police if it happened. Even if they showed up, there would be nothing they could do.
Researchers call this Spontaneous social order. No one dictated it, no one mandated it, and we never even talk about it, but it is something we all intuitively do.
Another example of this we all understand is our behavior in elevators. When you enter an elevator, it is expected that you will press the button for your floor, if it hasn’t been pressed already, and face the door.
If you were to enter an elevator and face the other way, especially if the elevator wasn’t crowded, you’d probably make everyone feel uncomfortable.
Other cases of Spontaneous social order can arise in certain circumstances. The example I’d like to give you is that of parking dibs in the City of Chicago in the winter.
If you have never driven a car in the winter, it can be difficult to find a parking spot on a city street. Plows come through to clear the street, and in the process, they pile up snow on the sides of the street where cars normally park.
If you want to park, you will have to clear a space by hand. If you take the time and effort to clear a parking space of snow, the last thing you want is for someone else to come in and benefit from your hard work.
In Chicago, a system has spontaneously evolved where people can claim spots that they have cleared in the winter. They will usually reserve their parking spot by putting something in the space, usually a folding chair or some other object, to warn others that the spot has been claimed.
Violating parking dibs is considered to be a serious violation. While slashing someone’s tires is probably going too far, dumping snow on their car, leaving a nasty note, or putting lunch meat on their windshield is probably fair game.
Several Chicago mayors have acknowledged this system as a city tradition, but nothing is on the books about it, and if someone takes your parking space, you have no legal recourse. By the same token, if someone were to park in someone else’s spot and something happened to their car, the police might not be sympathetic to them.
These unwritten rules also apply in certain businesses and environments.
Baseball is a game that has written rules to cover almost every possible eventuality that might happen in a game, but then there are a host of unwritten rules that players abide by.
One of the unwritten rules is that you don’t talk to a pitcher who is throwing a no-hitter. In the late innings of a game where a no-hitter is being thrown, you will usually see the pitcher in the dugout by himself with none of his teammates around him.
The big thing is that no one is supposed to talk about the fact that a no-hitter is being thrown. Even announcers will often avoid mentioning the fact that there is a no-hitter in progress. Instead of saying the term “no-hitter,” they will instead just keep reminding people, “there have been no hits through eight innings” or something to that effect.
Another unwritten rule in baseball is that you don’t gloat or take your time going around the bases after you hit a home run. You also shouldn’t crowd the plate or steal bases and swing on a 3-0 count when you have a big lead.
These unwritten rules can actually have consequences. Ever since baseball began, pitchers have been throwing, which is known as a purpose pitch or a brushback.
This is throwing the ball at the batter, either in retaliation for something they did or as a warning to the batter.
Some pitchers have kept grudges for years based on perceived slights.
In 1979, Ed Farmer pitched for the Texas Rangers, and he gave up a home run to Wayne Gross, who was playing for the Oakland A’s. Farmer thought that Gross had taken too much time rounding the bases, and it angered him.
It was four years until Farmer was able to pitch to Gross again. This time, however, they were on the same team, and it was during batting practice. Farmer hadn’t forgotten and still hit Gross with a pitch.
Perhaps the ultimate case had to do with the great Bob Gibson. Gibson was well known for throwing at batters to keep them in line.
In Gibson’s last major league game, in his last inning, he gave up a grand slam home run to Pete LaCock, who, fun fact, is the son of Peter Marshall, the former host of the Hollywood Squares. It was the only grand slam he hit in his career.
As Gibson retired, he never had a chance to get payback.
That was until ten years later when both players played in an exhibition old-timers game. Gibson used the opportunity to hit LaCock with a pitch ten years after the fact.
When Gibson was asked about the incident by sportscaster Bob Costas, he reportedly just said, “The books had to be balanced.”
These unwritten laws are so pervasive in every society that we often don’t even realize they exist. While they may not have the force of written law, they are often time more powerful in shaping cultures and societies.
